Winter is cold. But there is a bit of calm in the snow. It’s the death of fading life with the later hope of revitalized youth.
Maybe that’s how I feel right now. I see my time here in the states coming to the end. Spring is the promise of a new life for me in Japan. But as it stands, right now I feel weak. It’s hard trying to verbalize what I have been feeling, but I’m made all to aware of it when people say something to the effect of, “I don’t know what I’m going to do when you leave.” My casual humor would just reply, “You do realize there was never anything to do even when I was here?” But that’s just my defenses.
In truth. I am scared.
Not the silly horror movie type of scared that leads people to a most certain, and comically unavoidable demise, but a real fear of uncertainty. My heart is resolute that my feet are carrying me where the rest of me wills it. I am content that in this day and age, global communications is so much more efficient and convenient than 10 years previous. But even so, like the great heroes who left the farm in search of adventure, there is a bit of a hole inside, only temporarily filled by the promise of return.
So here I am, Terry Jester, Jr., wandering the shire and treading the same paths I’ve always traversed; but feeling the age and weight of time crawling to an end.
I am thankful for the Facebook group of others that are in the same position as me waiting to move to Japan. When I think about the lives I’ve met, I find myself happy that I have not lost anything, but have much rather gained a whole new extended family. Thank you to every wonderful person I have met, and will meet in person.
In other news. I watched The Last Samurai (One of my favorite movies of all time). Every time I watch this movie I am moved, whether by the acting, the cinematography, or the story. This last time, I came to the realization–
Ken Watanabe is a masterful actor. There is so much power and compassion in the subtleties of his acting, I found myself forgetting he wasn’t Katsumoto. Perhaps his character is a bit romanticized, like much of the movie, but in truth I do feel I have been given a glimpse into the life of Saigo Takamori and the inspiration of his life to restore the Emperor to the center of power in Japan.
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I love The Last Samurai!!! I wrote my dissertation at uni listening to the soundtrack non stop. Ken Watanabe is amazing, although I kind of ignore Tom Cruise in it, slight issue with the fact that he survives and Ken doesn’t.
I like the bit about extended family. Now I have my flight times and everything the nerves are finally kicking in. It makes me feel so much happier and better having already got to know people a bit through the facebook group etc.
See you in Narita!! x
Tell me about it. I honestly think The Last Samurai was Hans Zimmer’s finest achievement! Haha, and the Tom Cruise comment makes me laugh.
I actually don’t ignore Tom Cruise because he actually isn’t acting like “Tom Cruise”. I think the director was putting a spin on William Adams, the guy who came to Japan in 1600 and became an honorary samurai, or Blackthorne from James Clavell’s classic “Shogun” (Which I still think is based on William Adams).
Also, in a very sad way I am glad Ken Watanabe’s character died. When I studied philosophy with my professor, Mr. Axton (who was a missionary in Japan for over 20 years), he led me to this realization that seppuku was kind of the ultimate definition of a samurai. Almost as though every warrior was striving for that moment. You kind of get a sense of that in the Last Samurai when Taka is asking Katsumoto for permission to end her life–the only last honorable act to redeem her as samurai (though, I think from her standpoint, it was to be with her lost love).
But let me bring this back around to Katsumoto. He considered his death perfect, which even in just that one word, he has conveyed a wealth of emotion and a beautiful look into seeing his goal realized.
Even the ending of the movie with Algren telling the Emperor “No, I’ll tell you how he lived.” Is an homage to the sacrifice of Katsumoto’s real life counter-part Saigo Takamori. In fact, when I watched this movie in Japan with friends, they told me right away that’s who Katsumoto was since Saigo is a bit of a pop culture icon/legend.
Thank you for your comment! I’m glad to see another TLS fan